June 15, 2012

Nature vs Nuture

Filed under: Now Surviving — by alifefullofspice @ 8:53 pm

First of all I want to apologise for my recent absence, I have been having a bad time of it lately.

I have always been conflicted with the nature vs nurture argument because of my own situation. With my own children I always hope that nature has played a part and they take after me in some ways even though I have been deprived of the opportunity to nurture them. Whereas in my relationship with my own mother I get extremely frustrated when she tries to take credit for who I am, because apparently I get everything from her.

If my relationship with my mother was a happy one I wouldn’t mind but my mom choose to leave me at the age of 3 and NEVER tried to make any contact. When I was 22 I decided to track my mom down as I always felt part of me was missing. Now I am not a person who has regrets but this is one decision in my life I regret.

I had always dreamt that if I had my mom in my life, we would have the relationship I had always wanted, she would love me and we would do girlie things together. Unfortunately my dreams did not come true, as my mom has never apologised for walking out on me, nor offered any explanation as to why she never even wrote me a letter.

The mother I imagined throughout my childhood was not the one that I found. Instead I found a woman so self absorbed that if the conversation is not about her will ignore you or just talk over you until the topic is her, a woman who is quite happy to criticise me or put me down with snide comments, but also tries to take credit for my personality and my ways.

I have always believed, and been told by other I an very much like my grandmother (paternal), a woman who has loved and cared for me all my life and someone I have always looked up to and admired. My nan is very much a matriarch, as am I, she used to take me to the theatre as a child and she is very passionate about things she believes in. All these quality I believe I have got from her, the woman who has always loved me and been there for me, but according to my mother I got them all from her despite the fact she missed my childhood (and never took me to the theatre).

I apologise that this post is all over the place, hopefully as I write about my relationship with my mom I will start to understand it myself and find a way let go of the anger that is growing day by day.



1 Comment »

  1. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. You have the insight and courage. I feel for you.

    Comment by Matt — June 15, 2012 @ 9:44 pm |Reply

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